Finding Mentors in College

Ask successful people how they got where they are, and many will mention someone who helped: a teacher who noticed them, a supervisor who gave them a chance, an older student who explained how things worked. These people are mentors, and they matter especially for students who cannot get such guidance from family. Mentors do not need to be famous or formal. They need to know more than you in some area and be willing to share. Finding them takes initiative, but it is much less mysterious than it sounds.

Programs and customs differ across institutions. This guide offers general advice and no guarantees. Respect each person's time and boundaries.

What mentors do

A mentor can:

• Give advice on courses, careers and decisions.
• Share their experience, including mistakes.
• Explain unwritten rules. Our guide to the hidden curriculum: unwritten rules of college describes many of them.
• Introduce you to people and opportunities.
• Write references for jobs, scholarships and graduate school.
• Encourage you when you doubt yourself.
• Challenge you to aim higher.

A mentor is not a parent, a therapist or someone who will do your work for you. A good mentoring relationship is respectful, specific and two-way.

Different kinds of mentors

You do not need one perfect mentor. Different people help with different things.

Aim to build a small network of mentors over your time in college. Our guide to building a support network in college explains how mentors fit into a wider circle.

Where to meet them

Look in places where people are already helping.

• Office hours. Professors are paid to meet students.
• First-generation and other support programs. Many include formal mentoring.
• Student organizations, where older students and advisers help.
• Residence halls, where resident advisers and older students offer guidance.
• Research groups and labs, where you work alongside faculty and graduate students.
• Career center events and employer sessions.
• Alumni networks and events.
• Internships and jobs, where supervisors can become mentors.
• Online platforms run by colleges or professional bodies.

How to approach someone

Most people are happy to help students who ask thoughtfully.

1. Start small. Ask a specific question after class or in office hours, rather than asking someone to be your mentor.
2. Show that you have done some thinking. "I read about X and wonder how you got into this field" works better than "Can you tell me everything about your career?"
3. Respect their time. Ask for twenty minutes, not an afternoon.
4. Prepare questions in advance.
5. Listen and take notes.
6. Follow up with a thank-you message, and tell them what you did with their advice.
7. Stay in touch, with occasional updates.

Good questions to ask

• How did you get into this field?
• What do you wish you had known at my stage?
• What courses or experiences were most useful?
• How would you approach this decision?
• Who else should I talk to?
• What skills matter most in your work?
• How do you balance your time?

Avoid asking for jobs, favors or introductions in the first conversation. Build trust first.

Making the relationship work

A mentoring relationship grows when both sides feel it is worth it.

• Be reliable. Turn up on time, and do what you said you would do.
• Act on advice, and report back, so that they see the effect of their help.
• Be honest about your challenges and doubts.
• Be curious about their work and views.
• Offer something in return, such as a fresh perspective, help with a project or thanks.
• Do not overuse their time. Regular but modest contact works best.
• Respect boundaries.

Over time, a mentor may become a reference, a collaborator or a friend.

First-generation students and mentoring

If you are the first in your family at college, mentors can fill the gaps that family experience would otherwise fill. They can explain how internships work, how to prepare for graduate school or how to talk to professionals. Many first-generation students worry that they are imposing, but most mentors are glad to help, and many were first-generation themselves. Ask for stories, not just advice.

Peer mentoring

Do not overlook students a year or two ahead of you. They have just faced what you face, and they remember it. They can tell you which professors are helpful, how to survive a heavy term and where to find resources. Many colleges have formal peer mentoring programs, and informal ones form in clubs and residence halls. Later, you can become a peer mentor yourself, which is often rewarding and builds leadership skills.

If a mentor is not a good fit

Not every match works.

• If advice feels unhelpful or judgmental, you may seek other voices.
• If a mentor is too busy, do not take it personally. Ask whether they can suggest someone else.
• If a mentor is inappropriate, including making you uncomfortable or asking for something improper, step back and speak to a trusted staff member or the relevant office.
• If you drift apart, that is natural. Thank them and move on.

It is fine to have several mentors, and to let relationships fade.

Online and remote mentoring

Not all mentors are on campus. Many colleges run online mentoring platforms and alumni networks. Professional associations also connect students with experienced members. Remote mentoring works best with a clear purpose, a regular schedule, such as a monthly call, and good preparation for each conversation. It can be especially useful if you are studying online, part time or far from campus.

A worked example

Imagine a student who is interested in public health but knows no one in the field. After a lecture, she asks her professor how she got started, and is invited to office hours. There she learns about a research group and is encouraged to talk to a graduate student there. She meets the graduate student, who tells her about a summer program, and she applies. She sends a thank-you note to both, and later tells the professor that she was accepted. The professor later writes a reference for her.

A small question led to a chain of help.

Mentoring in your later years

Mentoring needs change as you move through college. In the first year, you may need help finding your feet. Later, you may need advice about majors, research, internships and graduate school. Revisit your circle of mentors each year, thank those who have helped and look for new voices for the stage you are in.

Becoming a mentor

You do not have to wait until you have finished to help others. A second-year student can mentor a first-year, and a graduate can advise a current student. Mentoring reinforces what you know, builds leadership skills and makes the community better for the next people who arrive.

A simple first-month plan

In your first month, introduce yourself to one professor in office hours, one staff member in a support office and one older student in a group. Ask each one thing and write down what you learn. Three small conversations are a good start, and each can lead to others.

Common mistakes

• Waiting to be noticed.
• Asking a stranger "Will you be my mentor?"
• Asking for too much, too soon.
• Not following up or saying thank you.
• Relying on one mentor for everything.
• Ignoring peers and staff.
• Staying in a relationship that feels wrong.

A quick checklist

• Do I know a few people I could talk to in my field?
• Have I used office hours and program events?
• Do I have specific questions to ask?
• Have I followed up and said thanks?
• Do I have more than one source of guidance?

Final thoughts

Mentors make the unwritten parts of college visible. You can find them in office hours, programs, clubs, alumni networks and internships. Start with small, specific questions, respect people's time and keep in touch. Build a circle of mentors, and when you can, pass the help on to someone behind you.