Making Friends During Orientation Week

The idea of making friends in a new place can feel daunting, especially if you know nobody and everyone else seems confident. The reassuring truth is that orientation week is the easiest time to meet people you will ever have. Almost everyone is new, almost everyone is a little anxious and the college has designed the week so that conversations happen. You do not need to be outgoing. You need a few simple habits.

Formats differ by college, but the principles apply widely. This guide is general information.

Why the first week is special

Several things work in your favor.

• Everyone is in the same position. Most people arrive knowing few or no others.
• Conversations are expected. Asking a stranger where they are from is normal.
• Events are structured to bring people together.
• Groups are still forming. You are not interrupting existing friendships.
• People are open. In the first days, most people are glad to talk.

If you feel awkward, remember that others feel the same, and that a small gesture can make a difference to someone else.

Start with a few simple goals

Big goals, such as making a best friend, put pressure on you. Smaller goals feel more achievable.

1. Talk to two new people each day.
2. Learn three names.
3. Go to at least one event you would not normally attend.
4. Exchange contact details with someone you enjoyed talking to.
5. Have one meal with other people each day.

These goals build momentum, and they are measurable, so you can see your progress.

Easy ways to start a conversation

You do not need clever lines. Simple, friendly questions work.

• "Hi, I'm [name]. Which residence are you in?"
• "Where are you from?"
• "What are you studying?"
• "Have you been to any of the events yet?"
• "Do you know where this session is being held?"
• "What do you think of the campus so far?"

Listen to the answer and ask a follow-up question. If the conversation feels natural, continue. If not, say it was nice to meet them and move on. There is no harm in a short chat.

Where to meet people

In your residence. Introduce yourself to neighbors, leave your door open when you are in and join floor activities. These people are likely to be part of your daily life.

At orientation sessions. Sit next to someone new, and chat before and after. Small group activities and tours are good for this.

At meals. Eat in dining halls or common areas, and ask to join a table.

At events and fairs. Clubs and societies fairs are full of people with shared interests.

In queues and waiting areas. Registration, ID card lines and bank queues are ideal for casual conversation.

In your classes and department. Introduce yourself to people in your program, since you will see them often.

Online groups. Many colleges have social media groups for new students. Use them to arrange meetups, but do not rely on them alone.

Make use of shared activities

Conversation is easier when you are doing something together.

• Join a tour or walk.
• Play a game or take part in a quiz.
• Volunteer at an event.
• Try a taster session for a club or sport.
• Go to a film night or performance.
• Cook or eat together, if there is a kitchen.

Shared activities give you something to talk about, and take pressure off small talk.

Be a good person to meet

Being friendly is not about being loud. It is about being open and considerate.

• Smile and make eye contact.
• Learn and use people's names.
• Show interest in others.
• Share a little about yourself.
• Include people who are standing alone.
• Be positive, and avoid complaining.
• Respect differences, in culture, background and opinion.

Kindness makes you memorable, and it helps others feel at ease.

Follow up

Meeting someone is the first step. Staying in touch turns it into friendship.

1. Exchange contact details with people you enjoyed meeting.
2. Send a short message within a day or two, such as "Nice to meet you. Want to get lunch tomorrow?"
3. Suggest a simple plan, such as a meal, a study session or an event.
4. Include others, which makes it less formal.
5. Be consistent. Friendships develop through repeated contact.

Do not worry if someone does not reply immediately. People are busy in the first week.

If you feel left out

Sometimes it seems that everyone else has found a group. Remember that:

• Appearances are misleading. Many people who look confident are anxious.
• Early groups often change. People shift as they discover shared interests.
• You are not behind. Friendships form at different speeds.
• Small steps help. Say yes to the next invitation.
• Support exists. Talk to a resident advisor, a counselor or a friend from home.

Our guide to homesickness offers tips for coping with low mood.

If you are introverted

Introverts can make friends too, in ways that suit them.

• Choose smaller events, such as a book club or a study group.
• Prepare a few topics or questions before events.
• Take breaks to recharge, and do not feel guilty.
• Aim for one or two good conversations, not a crowd.
• Use activities, such as games or crafts, as a focus.
• Reach out one-on-one, since many introverts find this easier.

Your pace is valid. Deep connections often matter more than many acquaintances.

If you are an international student

You may be adjusting to a new culture and language as well as a new college.

• Attend international orientation events, which are designed to connect you with others in similar situations.
• Join cultural and language groups to find familiar company.
• Also meet local students, so that you build a mix of friendships.
• Ask questions about local customs, which people usually enjoy answering.
• Be patient with language. Most people appreciate the effort.
• Share your culture, by cooking, music or stories.

Use buddy programs and peer mentors, if offered.

Safety and boundaries

Be friendly, but look after yourself.

• Meet new people in public places at first.
• Do not feel pressured to drink or do things that you are not comfortable with.
• Tell someone where you are going.
• Trust your instincts. If something feels wrong, leave.
• Respect others' boundaries.

Real friends respect your choices.

After orientation week

The week ends, but friendships continue.

1. Keep going to events and activities, since they continue through the term.
2. Join clubs that meet weekly, which provide regular contact.
3. Study with classmates.
4. Keep in touch with people you met, and include new ones.
5. Be patient. Some of your closest friends may come later.

Our guide to tips for new college students covers building routines that support friendship.

A worked example

Imagine a shy student who arrives knowing no one.

On the first evening, she introduces herself to two neighbors in her residence. The next day, she sits next to someone at the welcome talk and asks where he is from. At the societies fair, she signs up for a hiking club and a board game group. She goes to the board game night, where she plays and talks to a few people. She sends a message to one of them suggesting lunch. By the end of the week, she has three people she says hello to, and one she has made plans with.

It is not a crowd of friends, but it is a start.

Questions to ask yourself

1. What kinds of people or activities do I enjoy most?
2. What is one small step I can take today to meet someone?
3. Which events suit my energy, and which will drain me?
4. Who did I enjoy talking to, and how can I follow up?
5. How will I take care of myself if I feel overwhelmed?

A few honest answers will shape a week that works for you.

Talking with family and friends from home

Staying in touch with people from home can be comforting, but it can also make you feel torn. Tell them how it is going, including the awkward parts, and ask for encouragement. Resist the urge to compare your new life with theirs. Let them know that you may be busy and that it is not a sign you miss them any less. Their support can help you take the risks that lead to new friendships.

Common mistakes

• Waiting for others to approach.
• Staying in your room.
• Judging a friendship too quickly.
• Trying to be someone you are not.
• Comparing yourself with others.
• Ignoring invitations.
• Giving up after one awkward moment.

A quick checklist

• Have I set small, achievable goals?
• Do I have a few conversation starters ready?
• Have I joined one or two activities?
• Have I exchanged contact details with someone?
• Do I know where to turn if I feel lonely?

Final thoughts

Making friends takes a little courage and a lot of patience. Start small, be friendly, follow up and keep showing up. Orientation week is only the beginning, and the friendships that matter often grow over the weeks and months that follow.